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Moving up the ladder, going forward...

As we go on, pursuing our very own life, we must stop to ponder at which stage will we stop?

Now im going up the ladder, in my career path. But sometimes i ponder, and i wonder, if im up there, i will be someone known, how do I then deal with my status?

How to react or how to go to ID clinic?

I had seen people who wear mask to ID Clinic ( maybe for health reasons, maybe want to keep his/her identity a secret, who knows)

But i dont want to be that person. I want to feel secure, i want to be in my own skin....

Maybe one day i will....

But i hope i will..... for ill cross that bridge when the time comes....


Friends

I just found out from my friends that at one time,they suspected that i had a problem, 
But they dont dare to ask. 
Thats when i realised, that everyone have this amazing intuition, ( bukan naluri keperempuanan macam gf dari neraka itu ye: by the way, Sakinah, memang terbaik cerita tu.. lakonan memang membuatkan aku nak pijak pijak je GF macam tu....) , that we can detect or sense that our friends are indeed having problems. etc. 
If they did asked when i am at my lowest low, i wouldve broke down and maybe tell them... 
But, now, im strong and ever so positive, i think ill just keep it to myself. I dont need their sympathy, but i do need their friendship. Always. 
But a good support system is important. I thank my wife for always with me when i went to collect my meds etc... ( padahal sebab nak gi dating pastuh. haha) 
If you are in an open status, good for you. But if you decide to keep it a secret, also, good for you. Whatever works for you, it is your status. I dont see any people …

A very sad day....

A very sad day for us today, when at least 25 people have died after a fire broke out at a religious (tahfiz) school in Jalan Datuk Keramat. 

It is not known yet as to the cause of this fire, but all of us, pray that their souls be with the chosen ones...

Which goes back to us all. 

Semua ini adalah anak yang terpilih, anak tahfiz. betapa sedihnya ibu bapa mereka apabila  anak anak terkorban dalam kebakaran ini. tetapi ini adalah ketentuan yang Maha Esa. 

Kita yang masih di dunia ini, masih mempunyai segala masa, tetapi seringkali tersilap percaturan...

Semoga kita saling mengingati wahai sahabat semua.....

Masa mencemburui kita

Sesungguhnya masa mencemburui kita.

Aku seringkali terbangun malam, atau tak bleh tido malam....

Kalau tak leh tido, atau terbangun, aku akan tengok muka anak aku dan isteri aku,

Cukupkah bekalan aku untuk diorang survive nanti?

Dapat ke tak semua simpanan dan aku nyer insurance ( which is still a questionable action) digunakan untuk diorang?

Aku harap je la. buat masa ni, aku habiskan berbakti je kepada kedua orang tua dan untuk anak bini aku.

Yang lain aku jaga jugak. Hubungan dengan kawan kawan aku. ye lah, nanti takkan aku nak bergolek sendiri ke kubur kan. Harap diorang ni la yang akan bantu keluarga aku...

kalau tidak sikit, banyak. kalau tidak banyak , sikit.

Emosi plak aku petang petang ni. sebab tengah tunggu orang datang untuk appointment sebenarnya... lambat plak. ni aku sakit hati ni... haha

bawakkan bersabar lah ye....



Syurga yang tak dirindukan 2:

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Sebenarnya bukan lah niatku untuk lama tidak menulis. Tetapi blog aku sekarang sungguh canggih bentuknya, aku pun tak tau nak click kat mana nak buat post baru.... huhu...

Harap betul la ni, macam fesbuk je setting aku nyer blog ni, alahai,,,

But over the weekend, i watched this movie. Ok, aku bukan minat pun cerita cerita macam ni, cuma kebetulan aku naik flight aritu ke Kota Kinabalu, dan this was one of the movies yang ada, so aku tengok la dalam flight...


Pergh... menyesalnya aku sebab tengok cerita ini...sebab sedey weyh... tertusuk tulang belakang aku tengok cerita ni, tulang rusuk ku pun bergetar jua... air mata sedikit ingin menitis mencurah...

except ok, aku takde la kanker ( cancer in this Indonesia language) , but still i have a deadly virus in me. dan aku ni kiranya seorang family man jugak la. most of my life adalah untuk keluarga ku... dan sekiranya aku mati nanti, sanggup ke aku berkorban sebagaimana isteri pertama itu berkorban utk suaminya?

p/s: she denies all treatment,…

Miss you already....

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So, i watched this few days back... and it just hit me in the very spot....that small little spot that i put far far away.....


It is a must watch movie... when you're at home and all you want is a me time alone with blankets and pillows... and just be involved in the movie.....


And one part that hits that very spot every time is after Milly told Kit about her cancer,... the part where Kit look out the window.... and somehow, he knows things are going to be hard okay....



And today, i celebrated my anniversary of being diagnosed....it has been 3 years since that day, the doctor told me,i have this... but, nevertheless... lets just pray for the best. Insha Allah. hoping for many years to come.....

p/s: please dont let my kids hate me for what i am.... somehow.... this runs thru my head everyday.....




Its been a while

Betul, its been a while since the last entry.

Life has been great. my child grows up so fast and healthy.

Still thinking of whether we want another one since we just adore this one so much ( you should have seen our facebook page. full of pictures of the baby je.. haha menyampah. over betul kan. macam la anak kau anak che ta yang nak post gambar setiap hari. tapi, aku peduli apa. facebook aku. bukan facebook mak kau yang kau nak tentukan boleh ke idok letak gambar anak aku. )

But yes. overall, life has been good. there were some ups and downs.... kurang duit itu standard la kekadang..... tapi yang penting now, apa apa pun , keperluan anak dipenuhi dulu. susu dan pampers beli awal awal. takde la pening tgh bulan nak carik duit nak beli pampers anak ( sangat drama tv3 kan. hehe) , tapi takde la sampai tak makan. Cuma skarang kurang la makan tempat mewah mewah seperti Hilton, Chillies, Nandos, etc... makan la kedai kedai seperti Kedai Mamak, Kedai Abah kau, dan rumah Mak.


hehe doakan kam…