i am hiv positive. hug me.

To tell you the truth, i dont feel sick at all.

But everytime i walked into the Hospital, somehow i feel quite sad. i cant help it. i used to view hospital as the place for sick people. dark gloomy place for unwell people. and full of sadness.

But now i view it differently. I try my best to view every visit to the hospital as my effort to get better. I am getting better and i will get better with every visit to the ID Clinics.

It is a very humbling experience actually. to see everyone from all level of life, sitting , waiting for their names/ numbers to be called. Everyone in their casual wear, we can see old age catching up to some, we can see sickness has taken away their smiles somehow.

It makes me want to shout to them "HEY PEOPLE! WHATS WITH THE FROWN?? I HAVE HIV AND IM SMILING!"

HIV is nothing.  being HIV positive , u just have to take a good care of yourself. you will just be the most fragile person there with the lowest immune system in your body. The saddest part about being HIV positive is that i cant do that. i cant tell people that i have this virus in me without getting a negative reaction.  i want to. trust me, i want to tell everyone. i want to tell my mum, my dad, my family, that i have this and its ok. but i cant. i know now they're suspected me of having something but they dont know what i have. i dunno. im just not ready to tell you guys.

sometimes, i will watch stories on youtube on how other HIV positive patients came out to their parents, and how their parents hug them after that. but i live in a big family with an Asian mind. so, maybe one day. one fine day.

 i can tell my parents, i am hiv positive. hug me.

but until then, ill just be, im happy with what i have now, and lets get better together everyone. hehe.